Friday, September 26, 2008

John McCain's Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

{Re-post of several shorter posts from September 25th)

My Country Needs Me

I am temporarilly suspending my Blog so that I can go to Washington and help out during the financial crisis. I do not take this move lightly. Our country is in grave danger of financial collapse and Hank Paulson needs me now more than ever to be a stabilizing force for good

As part of this suspension. I have suspended all payments to financial institutions. Since the government can only buy distressed debt and these times and troubles are bigger than individuals, I make this sacrifice for them.

Thank you for your patience during this trying time. 

11:30 At The Airport and In The Zone

Hank called. The deal is in trouble, turns out that the congress may want to limit executive
Pay in return for government overpaying for the crap loans on the books. That won't work for the Goldman guys AT ALL. I gotta talk some sense into Barny Frank. How do they expect to save Gold... I mean America without incentives?

1:16 PM Plane Delayed NYC

What do you mean Dodd is busy? I am coming to save America he needs to take this call. Huh, ok... well, have him call me when he is done talking to the networks with Hank. I need to explain to him that now is not a time for partisanship he needs, we all need to put on our America hats and get this country moving again. 

Don't these people understand. We need to help the fundementals. The fundementals are strong but need our support during this time of crisis. 

2:15 PM Boarding in NY

She said what?! Are you frickin kidding me? Depression, did you guys not work with her?!... Jesus! Two interviews in a month with our pick of journalists and this is the best we can do? Have her fly to DC we can show unity together while shie practices not saying anything. 

I am getting on the plane keep working the debate. Any word. From Dodd? Christ, we need some good news. 

3:30 PM On The Ground In DC

What do you mean they have a deal?! I suspended the campain came all the way to DC and now your telling me the deal is done?! 

How am I supposed to save America if these guys keep making decisions without me! I am heading to the hill. At least we will be there for the pictures later today. 

Christ, where is she... Good don't let her out in public. Is anything going to go right today?

4:30 PM  On The Way To The White House

Thank God I could me here in time to save the negotiations. Without me there would have been no photo op to show our unity of non-partisan Americanness. The bailout of Goldma... er The financial system wil go forward as designed by Hank and Me with the help of a cast of thousands of lobbiests with specific goals in mind for prof... er saving the country. 

If at all possible we will have the vote on Friday night. This will illustrate the need to have all Americans on hand to vote for this historic bailout. But consequentially mean that the Friday night debate will still have to be postponed.

Should Obama go on without me we will make him look like the America hater he is. For not joining in with all the bipartisan unity. 

Immediately following the meeting 

What do you mean the deal blew up? are you kidding me?  I just got here do you know what this looks like?  Christ,  I blew off Letterman so I could come down here and get my nuts cut off by these guys?  Don't they know I am here to save the country?!

What would they do in Australia

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